Announcing…….

Another trip around the sun…

For me! I had a great day. My life has changed so much in the last six years. I’m not the person I used to be and I am okay with that. I’m not used to this new life. I will miss and yearn for what I’ve lost. I’m not going to stop because they are gone. I’m going to live this new life because I’m still here.

Happy trip around the sun!

Life

Life does go on. This year my garden is a four by six raised bed. I’m okay with that. Happy even. We moved. It was so stressful and exhausting. We stayed at a airbnb (enter heavenly music) and rested so much. We downsized. We need to downsize some more I think! We will get there. My canning consists of jelly and jam making. That’s okay too.
Dancing in the rain doesn’t need to be a energic line dance. It can be a quiet movement in the rain. Just keep moving forward.

Be kind to each other.
Give flowers if you are able.
Give smiles and praises always.
Choose peace each day.

Our Betty

One of our dearest friends. She was my rock. She rode in the ambulance with me when I went into labor at 28 weeks with Jeremiah. She walked the floor with that fussy baby many times to give me a break. She and Richard were with me the night Gregg had a nervous breakdown. Jamie was always helping Richard. Wherever Jamie went, Jasmine was two steps behind. Jasmine has called Betty, ‘my Betty’ from the time she was two. She went to school with Gregg’s dad. She was one of the few we trusted when we were told Jamie’s open heart surgery didn’t work the way they planned. I have called and cried on her shoulder so many times since Gregg had a stroke. She was one of the first people I called when Jamie died, then Gregg. We simply can not imagine a life without our Betty. We don’t know how to go on without her. I know which chocolate pudding recipe her mother used. I have her mother’s mulberry jelly recipe.

I can’t comprehend my life right now. My house, my life, my heart, I am so empty. We all are so empty.

If you see me and I don’t speak to you. I probably don’t even see you. I am consumed with trying to absorb these changes. I don’t question the why did this happen.  I’m still trying to accept that it did happen.

Our Betty, forever an angel.

Rest in peace my dearest friend.

Life

So many things have changed since I last posted. My life, our lives are not the same. We have had six deaths in four years. Too everyone who has said I am so strong, you’ve got this. You’re are wrong. Completely wrong. No one can go through this much pain. Yes I am strong. I haven’t had a choice. I have learned you can be strong and still be sobbing at 2 am. You can cry when you try to fix the lawnmower. You can cry when you stand in the yard alone. You can cry when you see your children hurting. Life can be hell. Help when you can. Hug often. Help even more. It sucks when you have no choice but to be strong without support, without help to fix your damn lawnmower, when you are trying to figure out what size wrench you need. When you are alone at night begging God to send someone, anyone to help just a little bit because the pain is too much to bear. When you wish one family member gave a damn to check on you. Just one, please just show one family member cares. Nope. Our life has changed. There are only three of us now. I can only think about losing my husband or losing my son. I can not think about them both. It is too hard.

I signed a contract today. I am committed to something neat. I have four videos to make. I’ve never made a video. I can learn fast right? I have classes to attend. A workshop to plan, unless my instructor was joking and I don’t think she was. I have papers to write, clients to see, a schedule to figure out. And time to heal…….

Canning time!

39 pints Sunday afternoon! I hope to can this much hot pepper butter every week. We have plenty of peppers!!

Food Allergies and Stuie

My daughter has multiple food allergies. She is anaphylactic to many foods. Stuie, a allergen dector dog came into her life almost eight years ago. Sadly we said goodbye to Stuie in March. Life has not been the same. Stuie worked so hard to keep Jasmine safe. It is hard to shop for groceries, anything, and not have Stuie ready to check the items (s) to see if they are Jasmine safe. I knew losing Stuie would be awful. I was so worried about keeping Jasmine safe I forgot how much we just loved Stuie for being Stuie. Our house has been so quiet. Our house has never been this quiet before. Even the cats didn’t make a sound.

Enter Quigley. We were gifted a dog named Quigley. Once we met him we understood his name. He IS a Quigley. We are training him. He is so smart! Our house has noise again but a different noise. I don’t think we will ever stop to listen for Stuie’s steps on the stairs.

Take videos, paw prints, lots of photos. You don’t know how much you will needs those videos, paw prints and photos later when they are gone.

Stuie is home now. He rests in a beautiful box on my grandmothers sideboard. He is home but our hearts are not healed. I believe the ache will stay with us through the years.

Dining Room Table

Tags

cooking, DIY

I finally got in gear and refinished our table.

Today was can up the hot peppers. We canned thirty pints of hot pepper butter and seven pints of hot peppers.

The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing

Have you heard of this book? Read it? If not buy a copy. Normally I would say visit your library and check it out but most libraries have a long wait list for this book. This book is amazing! You pick it up because yes you need to clean up your house. Then you start reading it. And you wonder…. I am supposed to ask items if they spark joy in my life? I think Cosco has it now. Just an awesome book. There are some awesome groups on facebook as well.

Salsa Time

Tags

cooking

I love to can. Just love it. I don’t like salsa that much. Maybe because my husband likes XXXX hot salsa?  My recipe calls for two jalapenos per batch. I make a quadruple batch to save time.  I use up to four dozen peppers in his salsa. Jalapenos, habanero and this tiny red pepper. To make less than five alarm salsa is different for me.  I tasted it and acidly! It took me an hour to pull the acid taste out of it. I didn’t want to waste a pot of tomatoes. I played with it, googled some and fixed it. That much salsa will tide me over for a couple of years.